The Sparrow
As far as I know, I have no Native American blood in me, but I have always been drawn to their Spirit. I guess my closest tie would be through my Great-Grandfather, Jacob Stock, who was said to have a gentle spirit and loved nature and all wild-life. He was sort of the folk hero in our family. He worked his way from Poland several times on a freighter to earn enough money to bring the rest of his family over. He later worked in the coal mines of Pennsylvania until the age of 60. He retired only to buy a farm in Abrams, Wisconsin where he began farming and farmed on until his mid 80's and he died at the age of 95. It was said that when he would plow his fields he would avoid any patches of tall grass where he saw a red winged blackbird fluttering to protect it's nest. His fields were known for these tufts of refuge.
I've always loved the Native American belief of being given an animal helper. Many times I believe I have been given three. The Cardinal, The Red tailed Hawk, and The Sparrow. They all stand for different things in my life and bring different messages for my spirit. It's the Sparrow that I'd like to focus on here.
While in Medjugorje I didn't see many of the miracles others did. While I did see a disc cover the sun so I could look at the sun without hurting my eyes, others saw it spin, change position and even emanate different colors. I saw none of these, but I did experience what I call the “Miracle of the Sparrows”.
Just before the time of the apparition each evening sparrows would literally swarm by the hundreds from every point of the compass, lead by some unseen hand, and land in the trees in front of St. James Church. They would appear so numerous, like leaves on the trees, but remarkably left no droppings on the many picnic tables below. They would chirp excitedly upon arrival but drew silent during the time of the apparition. Mary seemed to bless each pilgrim in a way that was most meaningful to them. The “Miracle of the Sparrows” was tailor made for me.
Several weeks after returning to the States after one of these pilgrimages, I visited my good friend and one of my spiritual directors, Sr. Gretchen. Sr. Gretchen was a Cenacle Nun and lived with other Cenacle Sisters in Warrenville, Illinois on 40 acres of wooded land. She knew me and understood the needs of my artistic temperament better than just about anyone.
I was needing some time to myself so I asked Sister Gretchen if there was room for the weekend to do a private retreat. She said they were full up for the weekend but I could use one of the rooms during the day on Friday. I agreed, looking forward to my time of solitude.
Sr. Gretchen, however, had other plans and gave me an exercise to do. She asked me to write a few paragraphs on “How I view God and How God views me.”
As I meditated on this request, all that came to me was the memory of the many times a sparrow had touched my life and the manner in which I felt God the Father speak to me through each incident.
The first incident happened when I was living in Southern Illinois in a small 8 by 40 trailer. One day I was cleaning and left the front door open. A sparrow flew in and landed on a shelf in my living room. As I moved toward it to aide its escape, it became frightened and flew back and forth across the room. I assured it that I was only there to help, yet I could see that my words did little to ease it's fear.
“If you only could understand that I just want to help you and you needn't fear me,” I said, but to no avail. The sparrow just seemed to become more frantic. At that moment, I realized that God, my Father in Heaven, was probably feeling the same toward me. If only I could feel that He was there only to help me and I needn't fear him.
I finally positioned myself just beyond the open door, blocking the way to the rest of the trailer. The Sparrow finally found the opening and was free.
Months later another of these encounters with a sparrow occurred. This time I was chopping wood in back of my trailer when I heard a thump. I turned only to see something that looked like a small ball bounce off the side of the trailer and land on the ground. On closer inspection, I saw that it was a sparrow lying in the dirt, seemingly dead. What happened next was hard to explain. It was as if every emotion that was bottled up inside of me all my life came to the surface at the same time.
“No, I won't let you die,” I said.
I scooped up the small downy bundle in the palm of my hand and sat on the wooden stairs leading to my trailer. I realized that a small flicker of life still glimmered in this tiny creature. So I stroked it's back gently and spoke quietly.
( I thought back to an incident when a small bird got into my neighbors trailer the year before and she asked me to help her get it out. We chased it around the trailer until it went into shock and died. I prayed that that wouldn't happen in this case.)
The sparrow I was holding also seemed to be in shock (I felt it's heart beating wildly) and I prayed for it's life to be spared. It's eyes were closed and its feathers were puffed up, but it seemed to be responding to my words. I'm not sure how much time had passed but I figured it was somewhere around a half hour. The beating of it's heart seemed to calm down and I felt that it was beginning to feel secure on the palm of my hand.
I don't know where the feeling came from, but I felt it was time for it to wake up and try its wings. I grabbed it's tiny feet in my hand a gave it a shake. It's eyes flew open for the first time since I picked it up, but it still seemed unready to leave the security of its perch on the palm of my hand. Finally, I said, “I think its time for you to try your wings” and set it on the ground. I gave it a nudge and it hopped a couple of times heading for the large space under my trailer. I went around to the backside of the trailer as it was hopping out. I tried to reach down and pick it up again, but this time it flew as if nothing had ever happened.
In the months previous I had been experiencing chronic headaches and had gone to every form of doctor and healer but with no relief. I even tried going to a fasting clinic down in Texas but it turned into a most negative experience.
I felt that God now was dealing with me as I had dealt with this sparrow. I was now resting in the palm of His hand and He was slowly nursing me back to health and there would come a day when I would be ready to fly again as if nothing had ever happened.
I shared these thoughts with Sr. Gretchen and she assured me she would pray for me. I always knew she would because after every visit I would have an experience that let me know she asked God to bless me. The following experience happened within two weeks after this visit.
I was, once again, on my mail route. I was leaving an apartment building looking down at the bundle of mail in my hand when out of the corner of my eye I saw a sparrow huddled near the curb. I almost stepped on it, but it just sat there. I reached down and picked it up. It was facing out as it sat on the palm of my hand. I thought that it may have injured a wing so I pulled it out extending it from it's body. It pulled it back acting a little disgusted, but remained on my palm. I repeated the process on the other side but it once again pulled its wing back.
“You look fine. Why aren't you flying?” I said, but it did not budge. I turned my hand trying to make eye contact but it jumped to the zipper on my coat just below my chin. I tried to grab it but it jumped up to my shoulder.
By this time I was realizing that this experience was out of the ordinary and wondering what it meant and what to do.
The sparrow was now perched on my shoulder, slightly toward my backside and, because of the bulkiness of my winter coat, I couldn't reach it. When I reached back up, however, placing my palm up it jumped back on my hand. 'This truly is unusual,' I thought to myself.
“You look fine. Why aren't you flying?” I said again. “Why don't you go an be with the other birds?”
Just then it took off like a bullet and landed in a tree about 50 feet away with a dozen other sparrows.
“You look fine. Why aren't you flying?” Could this be what God the Father was saying to me now?
I've always loved the Native American belief of being given an animal helper. Many times I believe I have been given three. The Cardinal, The Red tailed Hawk, and The Sparrow. They all stand for different things in my life and bring different messages for my spirit. It's the Sparrow that I'd like to focus on here.
While in Medjugorje I didn't see many of the miracles others did. While I did see a disc cover the sun so I could look at the sun without hurting my eyes, others saw it spin, change position and even emanate different colors. I saw none of these, but I did experience what I call the “Miracle of the Sparrows”.
Just before the time of the apparition each evening sparrows would literally swarm by the hundreds from every point of the compass, lead by some unseen hand, and land in the trees in front of St. James Church. They would appear so numerous, like leaves on the trees, but remarkably left no droppings on the many picnic tables below. They would chirp excitedly upon arrival but drew silent during the time of the apparition. Mary seemed to bless each pilgrim in a way that was most meaningful to them. The “Miracle of the Sparrows” was tailor made for me.
Several weeks after returning to the States after one of these pilgrimages, I visited my good friend and one of my spiritual directors, Sr. Gretchen. Sr. Gretchen was a Cenacle Nun and lived with other Cenacle Sisters in Warrenville, Illinois on 40 acres of wooded land. She knew me and understood the needs of my artistic temperament better than just about anyone.
I was needing some time to myself so I asked Sister Gretchen if there was room for the weekend to do a private retreat. She said they were full up for the weekend but I could use one of the rooms during the day on Friday. I agreed, looking forward to my time of solitude.
Sr. Gretchen, however, had other plans and gave me an exercise to do. She asked me to write a few paragraphs on “How I view God and How God views me.”
As I meditated on this request, all that came to me was the memory of the many times a sparrow had touched my life and the manner in which I felt God the Father speak to me through each incident.
The first incident happened when I was living in Southern Illinois in a small 8 by 40 trailer. One day I was cleaning and left the front door open. A sparrow flew in and landed on a shelf in my living room. As I moved toward it to aide its escape, it became frightened and flew back and forth across the room. I assured it that I was only there to help, yet I could see that my words did little to ease it's fear.
“If you only could understand that I just want to help you and you needn't fear me,” I said, but to no avail. The sparrow just seemed to become more frantic. At that moment, I realized that God, my Father in Heaven, was probably feeling the same toward me. If only I could feel that He was there only to help me and I needn't fear him.
I finally positioned myself just beyond the open door, blocking the way to the rest of the trailer. The Sparrow finally found the opening and was free.
Months later another of these encounters with a sparrow occurred. This time I was chopping wood in back of my trailer when I heard a thump. I turned only to see something that looked like a small ball bounce off the side of the trailer and land on the ground. On closer inspection, I saw that it was a sparrow lying in the dirt, seemingly dead. What happened next was hard to explain. It was as if every emotion that was bottled up inside of me all my life came to the surface at the same time.
“No, I won't let you die,” I said.
I scooped up the small downy bundle in the palm of my hand and sat on the wooden stairs leading to my trailer. I realized that a small flicker of life still glimmered in this tiny creature. So I stroked it's back gently and spoke quietly.
( I thought back to an incident when a small bird got into my neighbors trailer the year before and she asked me to help her get it out. We chased it around the trailer until it went into shock and died. I prayed that that wouldn't happen in this case.)
The sparrow I was holding also seemed to be in shock (I felt it's heart beating wildly) and I prayed for it's life to be spared. It's eyes were closed and its feathers were puffed up, but it seemed to be responding to my words. I'm not sure how much time had passed but I figured it was somewhere around a half hour. The beating of it's heart seemed to calm down and I felt that it was beginning to feel secure on the palm of my hand.
I don't know where the feeling came from, but I felt it was time for it to wake up and try its wings. I grabbed it's tiny feet in my hand a gave it a shake. It's eyes flew open for the first time since I picked it up, but it still seemed unready to leave the security of its perch on the palm of my hand. Finally, I said, “I think its time for you to try your wings” and set it on the ground. I gave it a nudge and it hopped a couple of times heading for the large space under my trailer. I went around to the backside of the trailer as it was hopping out. I tried to reach down and pick it up again, but this time it flew as if nothing had ever happened.
In the months previous I had been experiencing chronic headaches and had gone to every form of doctor and healer but with no relief. I even tried going to a fasting clinic down in Texas but it turned into a most negative experience.
I felt that God now was dealing with me as I had dealt with this sparrow. I was now resting in the palm of His hand and He was slowly nursing me back to health and there would come a day when I would be ready to fly again as if nothing had ever happened.
I shared these thoughts with Sr. Gretchen and she assured me she would pray for me. I always knew she would because after every visit I would have an experience that let me know she asked God to bless me. The following experience happened within two weeks after this visit.
I was, once again, on my mail route. I was leaving an apartment building looking down at the bundle of mail in my hand when out of the corner of my eye I saw a sparrow huddled near the curb. I almost stepped on it, but it just sat there. I reached down and picked it up. It was facing out as it sat on the palm of my hand. I thought that it may have injured a wing so I pulled it out extending it from it's body. It pulled it back acting a little disgusted, but remained on my palm. I repeated the process on the other side but it once again pulled its wing back.
“You look fine. Why aren't you flying?” I said, but it did not budge. I turned my hand trying to make eye contact but it jumped to the zipper on my coat just below my chin. I tried to grab it but it jumped up to my shoulder.
By this time I was realizing that this experience was out of the ordinary and wondering what it meant and what to do.
The sparrow was now perched on my shoulder, slightly toward my backside and, because of the bulkiness of my winter coat, I couldn't reach it. When I reached back up, however, placing my palm up it jumped back on my hand. 'This truly is unusual,' I thought to myself.
“You look fine. Why aren't you flying?” I said again. “Why don't you go an be with the other birds?”
Just then it took off like a bullet and landed in a tree about 50 feet away with a dozen other sparrows.
“You look fine. Why aren't you flying?” Could this be what God the Father was saying to me now?