The Day I Didn’t Go
After my “Conversion in Helena” experience I felt the Holy Spirit guiding me powerfully, and had many incredible experiences of God’s presence in my life. It all seemed to be happening so fast that I asked the Lord if I could go back down to Southern Illinois to spend some time in the woods to meditate on what was happening to me, and what I should do next. I had learned that if the Lord didn’t approve of my decision He’d let me know; but I felt no such disapproval.
When I did pray about what I was to do next all I heard was that I would be asked to return to the road the end of July or early August, and that I should head in the direction of New Mexico. It was still early June so I’d have some time.
As I remember it was somewhere around the 21st of July when I heard the call. There was no mistaking it; today was the day. It was early on that day when Tom Ulrich, one of the guys that used to live in the house where I was at but left after graduation to pursue a career in wildlife photography, stopped by on his way out west. He would be traveling to California and passing thru New Mexico, and asked if I wanted to ride along.
I sensed strongly that the Lord was leading me again, but during the month and a half that I was back in Carbondale I had spent time with many of my friends who were following other spiritual paths. They were all searching for what I felt I had finally found; and although I never felt lonely when I was following the Lord’s leading, I did feel like the Lone Ranger at times, feeling the need for a sense of community.
I knew that when I felt the Lord asking something of me, I also knew that these opportunities would come and go and I needed to decide whether to get on or not.
This day was one of those times when I felt I wasn’t ready. I tried not to think about it and went to the library. There was a girl I knew who worked there. I was talking to her about things other then my going back on the road, when out of the clear blue she said, “I don’t know why but I feel like I should be packing you a lunch and sending you on your way.”
I thought, ‘You’re no fun’ and went home. How could I leave so quickly? I needed to wash clothes and bake bread like I always did, and there was just no time for that.
When I got back to the house the phone rang. It was another friend I knew. She said, “I really didn’t expect you to be there. I thought you would have left for the road again.”
“I told you that I’d be leaving again the end of July or early August. This isn’t the end of July yet.”
“I know, I just thought you may have left already.”
The more I resisted, the more I felt a fear come over me. My friend Tom said he had to leave, and was soon gone. I felt different than I felt the last couple months and I didn’t like the feeling. I felt that the Spirit that had been leading me, and had shown me that He’d be there over and over in these leadings, had gone on without me. I felt empty. My first thought was I have to catch up, and went about washing clothes and baking bread. I left the next day.
I got as far as the highway that lead out of town toward the Interstate. I didn’t feel the Holy Spirit with me and as a result I felt very vulnerable and unprotected. There were places in the past where I spent the night in my travels, where I would hear others speak of being mugged or robbed, while I always felt protected.
I just couldn’t leave without the Lord’s leading and guidance. So I walked across the street and sat on a large boulder in the middle of a field. After about a half hour I decided, “I just can’t leave feeling like this,” and went back home.
I thought the feeling would leave but it didn’t, so two weeks later I decided to go back on the road anyway. I was searching again, and the trip took on a totally different feel. It was spiritual alright, but instead of being lead by the Holy Spirit to help the poor and hurting of the Earth, I had run-ins with evil, where I felt protected but not walking in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Crossing Paths With Evil
My first run-in with darkness happened in Little Rock, Arkansas. I found a campground just outside of town. It was a good place to spend the night. I talked to some other campers there, and when I told them about my Spiritual search they told me about a Christian group in town. I thought it might be a good experience so I decided to go there.
I arrived there around 8:00PM and was told that I could sit in on one of their meetings, or they could take me to the place where I could spend the night.
I decided to go to their meeting but it wasn’t long before I realized that I had made a poor choice. It was a meeting about how to get more converts to their organization, and lasted 4hrs. They handed out 8 1/2 x 11 sheets of paper with line drawings of faces, depicting how to smile with your eyes when approaching a potential convert, and maintaining that gaze while speaking to them. Other sheets were handed out with instructions on what to say. Each question was accompanied with a diagram of what to say next depending on their response to the initial question. This was my first run-in with a cult of this sort, and red flags were going up in me with every turn. The meeting ended around midnight.
Next I was taken down a long city block to an old brick building where I would spend the night. I was led to the fire escape stairs in the back of the building and up several flights to an open door. As we approached, the stink was unbearable, like a locker room nightmare, where no one had bathed or washed clothes in the last few years. There was a cot on the landing outside so I leaned my backpack up against it, claiming it for my own. When I entered the room a young man approached me.
“Hey brother , where ya from. You can take any bunk that’s open.”
There was a sea of bunk beds with little room to walk in between. I assured him that I preferred to sleep out on the back landing. We talked for about 10mins., but it was late and I was tired.
‘He didn’t seem so bad,’ I thought to myself, and went out to get my toothbrush. I must have been gone about 20secs., and when I went back in the same young man came up to me.
“Hey brother, where ya from?”
I had only talked with him seconds before. I looked into his glazed expression, searching for any signs of recognition, but there were none. Needless to say, I was out of there the next morning at first light. I needed to put some distance between me and that place. I had heard about places like that, but it’s different when you see one that close up.
____________________________ . _____________________________
After that, I got a couple short rides that got me out of the city.
My next ride may have been my most dangerous in all my hitchhiking. I not only sensed it but the wild expression on the drivers face removed all doubt.
‘If this guy’s not a serial killer, I don’t know who is,’ I thought to myself, but I was in his car. Whenever I found myself in an uncomfortable situation like this I felt the best thing to do was to be silent; but then he broke the silence. Without troubling the reader of this with all the details, suffice it to say that he propositioned me sexually.
‘Boy did you pick the wrong guy,’ I thought to myself, and began to prepare for some emergency action. Now that he had verbalized his intent, I felt he had just become a loose cannon.
My first thought was to hit him as hard as I could, and then jump and roll, but I felt the Spirit calm me and remind me that the Spirit in me was stronger than the one in him. I felt the Spirit of the Lord fill me at that moment, and I knew beyond a doubt that he could not harm me. I also knew that I must not use words in this battle, but instead I was to speak to him Spirit to spirit, through my thoughts.
So in my mind I said, “I’m not into the things you are suggesting, and this is the line, and you are forbidden to cross it.”
All I can say is that he acted as if he heard the words my Spirit spoke to his. He looked very agitated and frustrated and said, “Awe, your no good. I’m letting you off.” He pulled over at the first off ramp and let me out.
It wasn’t an experience I would wish upon myself, but I did learn some valuable lessons like:
Stay calm when up against evil. Trust in God and His power, and the power that He indwells into His believers. Show no fear. Evil feeds on fear.
Do not battle with words that can be turned around to weaken you, but instead communicate through thoughts, from Spirit to spirit.
Trust in yourself and in the God within who has conquered all evil.
__________________________ . ____________________________
“Get Up and Leave”
Then there were those experiences where I felt danger but wasn’t sure of the source; although in the past many such feelings proved to be real.
One such evening I found myself in Elkville, OK. I was told of a park in town that had sites for camping. When I arrived there I found no other campers; maybe because across the street there was a Little League game going on with hundreds of people and cars everywhere. I felt vulnerable but I was so tired I decided to set up my tent and take my chances. The next time I awoke everyone was gone; no people, no cars, no noise, and I never heard anyone leave.
The next time I awoke it was to a voice that said, “Get up and leave.” The voice was so clear and urgent that I looked for shadows on the walls of my tent.
It must have been a dream, I thought, and dozed again when I heard the same voice, “Get up and leave.” This time the voice was louder and seemed more urgent. When things like this happened I knew I’d have to make a decision. It sounded so urgent, but I felt so exhausted that I decided not to go.
As I dozed again I awoke to the voice, much louder this time and more insistent, “RUN!!!.” In a second I was up and packing, preparing to leave.
Just up the street there was a gas station. It was closed for the night but the clock on the wall said 3AM. It would be 6 or 7mi. on the two lane back to the interstate, so I started to hike hoping to make it there by dawn.
I had only hiked about a mile when I saw a tall mound just off the highway to my right. I felt safer now but decided to climb the mound and wait for first light. There was a telephone pole directly in front of me. As I sat there I noticed the stars making their arc across the sky. I chose a bright star and decided that when that star was directly above the pole I’d leave. I was deep in my own thoughts when I heard my inner alarm go off; the star was directly above the pole, time to leave.
I must have sat there near 2hrs. and not one vehicle had passed, but light was returning in the East so I decided to start walking again. My foot had no sooner touched the gravel on the shoulder when a semi truck flipped on it’s lights and pulled out on the road about 100 yards back from where I was. This was all to weird so I decided to keep on walking , and not try to hitch a ride. Just then I heard a couple of dogs from the farm ahead start to bark. It sounded like they were getting closer and heading in my direction, so I found myself spinning around and sticking my thumb out. By the time the driver slowed down and stopped he was about 150 ft ahead. As I ran to catch up I noticed that the dogs had stopped barking; again all too weird. The driver opened the door and I hopped in. We exchanged names, “Shane,” he said. “What’s your last name,” I replied. “Just Shane,” he answered; again all too weird.
These were the kind of strange experiences I was having on this trip. Shane turned out to be a good guy, and made sure I had a connecting ride with another trucker at the Truck Stop who was going my way. They were OK rides, and maybe I avoided danger in the park, I don’t know. But they weren’t rides guided by the Power of the Holy Spirit, full of Life and Purpose. I still needed to get back there; guided and protected by God Himself.
After my “Conversion in Helena” experience I felt the Holy Spirit guiding me powerfully, and had many incredible experiences of God’s presence in my life. It all seemed to be happening so fast that I asked the Lord if I could go back down to Southern Illinois to spend some time in the woods to meditate on what was happening to me, and what I should do next. I had learned that if the Lord didn’t approve of my decision He’d let me know; but I felt no such disapproval.
When I did pray about what I was to do next all I heard was that I would be asked to return to the road the end of July or early August, and that I should head in the direction of New Mexico. It was still early June so I’d have some time.
As I remember it was somewhere around the 21st of July when I heard the call. There was no mistaking it; today was the day. It was early on that day when Tom Ulrich, one of the guys that used to live in the house where I was at but left after graduation to pursue a career in wildlife photography, stopped by on his way out west. He would be traveling to California and passing thru New Mexico, and asked if I wanted to ride along.
I sensed strongly that the Lord was leading me again, but during the month and a half that I was back in Carbondale I had spent time with many of my friends who were following other spiritual paths. They were all searching for what I felt I had finally found; and although I never felt lonely when I was following the Lord’s leading, I did feel like the Lone Ranger at times, feeling the need for a sense of community.
I knew that when I felt the Lord asking something of me, I also knew that these opportunities would come and go and I needed to decide whether to get on or not.
This day was one of those times when I felt I wasn’t ready. I tried not to think about it and went to the library. There was a girl I knew who worked there. I was talking to her about things other then my going back on the road, when out of the clear blue she said, “I don’t know why but I feel like I should be packing you a lunch and sending you on your way.”
I thought, ‘You’re no fun’ and went home. How could I leave so quickly? I needed to wash clothes and bake bread like I always did, and there was just no time for that.
When I got back to the house the phone rang. It was another friend I knew. She said, “I really didn’t expect you to be there. I thought you would have left for the road again.”
“I told you that I’d be leaving again the end of July or early August. This isn’t the end of July yet.”
“I know, I just thought you may have left already.”
The more I resisted, the more I felt a fear come over me. My friend Tom said he had to leave, and was soon gone. I felt different than I felt the last couple months and I didn’t like the feeling. I felt that the Spirit that had been leading me, and had shown me that He’d be there over and over in these leadings, had gone on without me. I felt empty. My first thought was I have to catch up, and went about washing clothes and baking bread. I left the next day.
I got as far as the highway that lead out of town toward the Interstate. I didn’t feel the Holy Spirit with me and as a result I felt very vulnerable and unprotected. There were places in the past where I spent the night in my travels, where I would hear others speak of being mugged or robbed, while I always felt protected.
I just couldn’t leave without the Lord’s leading and guidance. So I walked across the street and sat on a large boulder in the middle of a field. After about a half hour I decided, “I just can’t leave feeling like this,” and went back home.
I thought the feeling would leave but it didn’t, so two weeks later I decided to go back on the road anyway. I was searching again, and the trip took on a totally different feel. It was spiritual alright, but instead of being lead by the Holy Spirit to help the poor and hurting of the Earth, I had run-ins with evil, where I felt protected but not walking in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Crossing Paths With Evil
My first run-in with darkness happened in Little Rock, Arkansas. I found a campground just outside of town. It was a good place to spend the night. I talked to some other campers there, and when I told them about my Spiritual search they told me about a Christian group in town. I thought it might be a good experience so I decided to go there.
I arrived there around 8:00PM and was told that I could sit in on one of their meetings, or they could take me to the place where I could spend the night.
I decided to go to their meeting but it wasn’t long before I realized that I had made a poor choice. It was a meeting about how to get more converts to their organization, and lasted 4hrs. They handed out 8 1/2 x 11 sheets of paper with line drawings of faces, depicting how to smile with your eyes when approaching a potential convert, and maintaining that gaze while speaking to them. Other sheets were handed out with instructions on what to say. Each question was accompanied with a diagram of what to say next depending on their response to the initial question. This was my first run-in with a cult of this sort, and red flags were going up in me with every turn. The meeting ended around midnight.
Next I was taken down a long city block to an old brick building where I would spend the night. I was led to the fire escape stairs in the back of the building and up several flights to an open door. As we approached, the stink was unbearable, like a locker room nightmare, where no one had bathed or washed clothes in the last few years. There was a cot on the landing outside so I leaned my backpack up against it, claiming it for my own. When I entered the room a young man approached me.
“Hey brother , where ya from. You can take any bunk that’s open.”
There was a sea of bunk beds with little room to walk in between. I assured him that I preferred to sleep out on the back landing. We talked for about 10mins., but it was late and I was tired.
‘He didn’t seem so bad,’ I thought to myself, and went out to get my toothbrush. I must have been gone about 20secs., and when I went back in the same young man came up to me.
“Hey brother, where ya from?”
I had only talked with him seconds before. I looked into his glazed expression, searching for any signs of recognition, but there were none. Needless to say, I was out of there the next morning at first light. I needed to put some distance between me and that place. I had heard about places like that, but it’s different when you see one that close up.
____________________________ . _____________________________
After that, I got a couple short rides that got me out of the city.
My next ride may have been my most dangerous in all my hitchhiking. I not only sensed it but the wild expression on the drivers face removed all doubt.
‘If this guy’s not a serial killer, I don’t know who is,’ I thought to myself, but I was in his car. Whenever I found myself in an uncomfortable situation like this I felt the best thing to do was to be silent; but then he broke the silence. Without troubling the reader of this with all the details, suffice it to say that he propositioned me sexually.
‘Boy did you pick the wrong guy,’ I thought to myself, and began to prepare for some emergency action. Now that he had verbalized his intent, I felt he had just become a loose cannon.
My first thought was to hit him as hard as I could, and then jump and roll, but I felt the Spirit calm me and remind me that the Spirit in me was stronger than the one in him. I felt the Spirit of the Lord fill me at that moment, and I knew beyond a doubt that he could not harm me. I also knew that I must not use words in this battle, but instead I was to speak to him Spirit to spirit, through my thoughts.
So in my mind I said, “I’m not into the things you are suggesting, and this is the line, and you are forbidden to cross it.”
All I can say is that he acted as if he heard the words my Spirit spoke to his. He looked very agitated and frustrated and said, “Awe, your no good. I’m letting you off.” He pulled over at the first off ramp and let me out.
It wasn’t an experience I would wish upon myself, but I did learn some valuable lessons like:
Stay calm when up against evil. Trust in God and His power, and the power that He indwells into His believers. Show no fear. Evil feeds on fear.
Do not battle with words that can be turned around to weaken you, but instead communicate through thoughts, from Spirit to spirit.
Trust in yourself and in the God within who has conquered all evil.
__________________________ . ____________________________
“Get Up and Leave”
Then there were those experiences where I felt danger but wasn’t sure of the source; although in the past many such feelings proved to be real.
One such evening I found myself in Elkville, OK. I was told of a park in town that had sites for camping. When I arrived there I found no other campers; maybe because across the street there was a Little League game going on with hundreds of people and cars everywhere. I felt vulnerable but I was so tired I decided to set up my tent and take my chances. The next time I awoke everyone was gone; no people, no cars, no noise, and I never heard anyone leave.
The next time I awoke it was to a voice that said, “Get up and leave.” The voice was so clear and urgent that I looked for shadows on the walls of my tent.
It must have been a dream, I thought, and dozed again when I heard the same voice, “Get up and leave.” This time the voice was louder and seemed more urgent. When things like this happened I knew I’d have to make a decision. It sounded so urgent, but I felt so exhausted that I decided not to go.
As I dozed again I awoke to the voice, much louder this time and more insistent, “RUN!!!.” In a second I was up and packing, preparing to leave.
Just up the street there was a gas station. It was closed for the night but the clock on the wall said 3AM. It would be 6 or 7mi. on the two lane back to the interstate, so I started to hike hoping to make it there by dawn.
I had only hiked about a mile when I saw a tall mound just off the highway to my right. I felt safer now but decided to climb the mound and wait for first light. There was a telephone pole directly in front of me. As I sat there I noticed the stars making their arc across the sky. I chose a bright star and decided that when that star was directly above the pole I’d leave. I was deep in my own thoughts when I heard my inner alarm go off; the star was directly above the pole, time to leave.
I must have sat there near 2hrs. and not one vehicle had passed, but light was returning in the East so I decided to start walking again. My foot had no sooner touched the gravel on the shoulder when a semi truck flipped on it’s lights and pulled out on the road about 100 yards back from where I was. This was all to weird so I decided to keep on walking , and not try to hitch a ride. Just then I heard a couple of dogs from the farm ahead start to bark. It sounded like they were getting closer and heading in my direction, so I found myself spinning around and sticking my thumb out. By the time the driver slowed down and stopped he was about 150 ft ahead. As I ran to catch up I noticed that the dogs had stopped barking; again all too weird. The driver opened the door and I hopped in. We exchanged names, “Shane,” he said. “What’s your last name,” I replied. “Just Shane,” he answered; again all too weird.
These were the kind of strange experiences I was having on this trip. Shane turned out to be a good guy, and made sure I had a connecting ride with another trucker at the Truck Stop who was going my way. They were OK rides, and maybe I avoided danger in the park, I don’t know. But they weren’t rides guided by the Power of the Holy Spirit, full of Life and Purpose. I still needed to get back there; guided and protected by God Himself.